All too often, in an attempt to be friendly or as a way of showing an elderly person they care, health care providers, retail clerks, hair dressers and restaurant servers, just to name a few, start talking in “elder speak.” People use this form of language when they assume that the older person they are talking to isn’t “all there” and probably can’t hear very well, either. In no time at all, they start dumbing down the conversation to a point where it almost sounds like “baby talk.”
If you’re wondering what elderspeak sounds like, here are some examples offered up by respondents on the “New Old Age” blog of the New York Times:
When asking someone their age, they ask “How many years young are you?”
Salutations often begin with “Hi sweetie, cutie, or honey.”
Actions, as simple as taking a pill, are evaluated like a grade school child with “Good job! Or good girl or good boy.”
A woman clearly in her seventies and older is referred to as “young lady.”
The nurse or doctor who asks her patient, “How are we feeling?”
Rather than asking about a career or current interests, an older person is asked, “Who were you or what did you used to be?
Greeting older people by their first name, as they would a teenager.
The overall tone of elderspeak is usually patronizing, over bearing and spoken slowly in a loud voice using simple words. The speech sends the subliminal message that the older person is incompetent. And here’s the thing: people pick up on it – even those with Alzheimer’s disease – and they don’t like it. They see it as insulting and a form of bullying.
New research shows that elderspeak, no matter how well intentioned by the speaker, is a lot more than an annoyance for those on the receiving end. Dr. Kristine Williams, an associate professor at the University of Kansas School of Nursing, analyzed hundreds of video tapped interactions between staff and residents who suffered from mild to moderate dementia. They identified if the staff used elderspeak, spoke normally or said nothing at all while they helped a resident with bathing, dressing, or grooming and then rated how residents reacted to the exchange. What the researchers found was sobering: when nurse aides used elderspeak, the residents resisted by physically pulling back, saying no, grimacing, grabbing the person or clenching their teeth. The more the residents became uncooperative, the more the staff resorted to talking to them like misbehaving children.
Dr. Mary Mittleman, Director of Psychosocial Research at the Silberstein Institute on Aging explains it this way: “It is a mistake to assume that a diagnosis of dementia means that a person becomes more like a baby. They may still have a lot of memories from far-distant times…they have a history which babies don’t.” She goes onto advise that ‘speaking to a person as an adult is probably going to get a whole lot more cooperation.”
It’s not just older people with dementia that are negatively affected by elderspeak. Anyone over sixty can be worn down by all the negative messages and images of aging conveyed in our culture, let alone as to how people talk to them. One major study showed that older people, who buy into these harmful perceptions and stereotypes, live 7.5 years LESS than those who ignore them and keep a positive attitude about growing older.
YOUR TURN
Share your elderspeak story. What's your pet peeve?
4 comments:
I am in my mid 50's have hearing loss and balance problems as a result. Aince this has started I often find that I am addresed with Elderspeak or Baby Talk (Isee them as the same) I comprehend what is being said to me I just do not have the speech recodnition. I find it to be very frustrating and does make me angry at times! I do have hearing aids but hearing can still be difficult.
Linda,
Your "elderspeak" column inspired me to speak up and out but I will also say that "I've seen both sides now" (wasn't there a song with that title?). For 15 years I worked as a nurse on an Alzheimer's unit in the northern Virginia area. We called the residents by their first names because it was the name they most recognized. Especially with women, to refer to them as "Mrs. So and So" would frequently not ring any bells for them because they no longer remembered that they were married. I guess we could have referred to the men as "Mr." and probably should have unless they didn't respond to it. It is, however, my opinion that in most cases unless asked to do otherwise, (either by the person or a family member), the elderly in a nursing home should be spoken to as Mr. or Mrs.
Now, having said that.....I am 70 years old and do not like to be called "Hon", "Sweetie", "Young Lady" or any other "clever" moniker that the younger generation think is complimentary. Children should always refer to anyone their parents ages or older as Mr. or Mrs., unless, of course, they are told to do otherwise. Children, however, are not the problem as far using cutsie names for we seniors (and I don't even like being called a "senior"). Rush Limbaugh calls us "Seasoned citizens" which almost makes me gag.
We have names, for crying out loud!...use them if you know them; otherwise treat us as you would anyone else. Clerks, try it...."Thank you, Mrs. 'Jones'," or just "Thank you". I don't mind being called by my first name by a doctor...in fact, to do so makes me think that he might actually remember who I am (even if he doesn't). That reminds me, when I was working, the son of one of my patients called me "Nurse Kaye". At first I thought that a bit strange but then it occurred to me that he was simply treating me with respect much like a doctor gets. That was kind of neat.
A Golden ager? Does that make the generation right under us "Silver agers"? followed by "Copper agers"; "Aluminum agers" ?
Then comes the question, how do we deal with someone referring to us as "Hon", etc.? Certainly I'd rather be called that being referred to as a "cranky old lady"(or worse) if I correct her/ him! Kaye
I'm 68 and have had this happen to me many times, especially during a minor outpatient procedure, etc. One time I asked, nicely I thought, if the nurse would just call me by my name instead of honey. She was really upset and didn't speak to me the rest of the time. Talk about childish! I'll have another procedure coming up and I've printed off this article to take with me, should this happen again. And all this time I just thought it was the gray hair! I don't have any major health problems, such as a minor disability that would cause someone to think I was unable to do anything. I believe some folks just don't think about being on the other side.
My pet peeve is "all the above". We now live in the south where calling folks honey, sweetie, etc. is the norm for all ages, but I still resent it. I think it's very condescending.
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